Franimosity
n. The dual state of friendliness and animosity displayed by a frenemy toward his/her victim.
I coined this term the other day while pondering (as is my way) over the curious combination of antagonism, meanness, jealousy, admiration, and twisted "love" a frenemy feels for, and exhibits toward, the object of their love-hatred. For many of us, it is hard to understand this phenomenon other than intellectually. Psychologically, we get it; we know the frenemy is like this because of his/her insecutity and psychological issues. Emotionally, and I may say, morally, however, we cannot accept it as logical or reasonable; it just doesn't make sense.
"What on earth is wrong with him/her?" we ask, even tho' we know full well what the problem is. I think what we can't explain is the process by which the frenemy decides that it's "okay" to be the way they are. Why is he/she exempt from self-analysis, self-criticism, and self-betterment, while the rest of us must look deeply within ourselves, see the ugly, and eradicate it?
Again, the explanation can only provide us with intellectual understanding, tho' we will never be able to accept the fact of it, nor pardon it, nor even, perhaps, pity the offender. Having established this, I imagine the reason for franimosity is such: if the frenemy were to soul-search and see the ugly, (s)he'd implode. Admitting a wrong requires its rectification. And, there is neither enough goodness, nor strength, nor generosity in him/her to handle this task. Frenemies would have to change their ways, and they, quite simply and frankly, don't wanna.
The conscience, however, is something difficult to tune out. Therefore, while the frenemy's conscious mind may ignore the conscience's proddings, the subconscious mind is turning black and blue from its efforts. This is where the franimosity enters, stage right, and the act begins. The frenemy now dons a mask of friendship and performs a pantomime in which compliments, manic smiles, and even hugs are intended to pass for signs of friendship. In the end, however, they are empty gestures, motivated by social dictates and the need to survive, rather than by pure feelings or sincerity.
This is exacerbated by the fact that the mask must necessarily slip every now and then, allowing the jealousy, negativity, and meanness to peep through. A backhanded compliment, a hateful glance, passive-aggressive behavior ("ignoring" the victim), etc., soon expose the artificiality of the frenemy's former semblance of kindness. This jarring juxtaposition of meanness and (feigned) niceness confuses the victim, even tho' he/she may accurately peg the frenemy as just that, given that the ultimate feeling evoked by this dichotomy is negative/uneasy. The object of the frenemy's love-hatred wonders if the frenemy him/herself is confused, and this makes choosing a course of action challenging.
In fact, I suspect the frenemy is, indeed, confused; insecure but egotistical, (s)he is constantly at war with him/herself, and consequently, with others. As discussed, it is too painful/troublesome for frenemies to delve into their own psyches and correct their ways. Therefore, they must resort to mummery, playing at living their lives and establishing relationships, rather than actually living said lives and investing in friendships.
In fact, franimosity enables frenemies to do just that. While making a show of friendship, their animosity is allowed to fester, thereby reinforcing their rightness/righteousness (they're fine just the way they are) without actually having to prove it. Such people collect companions without having to earn trust and give of themselves (what's called "making friends"). This means they don't have to change because, on the surface, "everything's fine," they're great, and everybody "loves" them because they're "so nice." Meanwhile, they're able to maintain their comfortable rottenness because it has no consequences, or so it seems. In the end, tho', this will only harm them through the harm it does to others. As they seem almost determined to self-destruct, maybe frenemies are worthy of our pity, after all... albeit given at a distance, where the fallout can't reach us.
n. The dual state of friendliness and animosity displayed by a frenemy toward his/her victim.
I coined this term the other day while pondering (as is my way) over the curious combination of antagonism, meanness, jealousy, admiration, and twisted "love" a frenemy feels for, and exhibits toward, the object of their love-hatred. For many of us, it is hard to understand this phenomenon other than intellectually. Psychologically, we get it; we know the frenemy is like this because of his/her insecutity and psychological issues. Emotionally, and I may say, morally, however, we cannot accept it as logical or reasonable; it just doesn't make sense.
"What on earth is wrong with him/her?" we ask, even tho' we know full well what the problem is. I think what we can't explain is the process by which the frenemy decides that it's "okay" to be the way they are. Why is he/she exempt from self-analysis, self-criticism, and self-betterment, while the rest of us must look deeply within ourselves, see the ugly, and eradicate it?
Again, the explanation can only provide us with intellectual understanding, tho' we will never be able to accept the fact of it, nor pardon it, nor even, perhaps, pity the offender. Having established this, I imagine the reason for franimosity is such: if the frenemy were to soul-search and see the ugly, (s)he'd implode. Admitting a wrong requires its rectification. And, there is neither enough goodness, nor strength, nor generosity in him/her to handle this task. Frenemies would have to change their ways, and they, quite simply and frankly, don't wanna.
The conscience, however, is something difficult to tune out. Therefore, while the frenemy's conscious mind may ignore the conscience's proddings, the subconscious mind is turning black and blue from its efforts. This is where the franimosity enters, stage right, and the act begins. The frenemy now dons a mask of friendship and performs a pantomime in which compliments, manic smiles, and even hugs are intended to pass for signs of friendship. In the end, however, they are empty gestures, motivated by social dictates and the need to survive, rather than by pure feelings or sincerity.
This is exacerbated by the fact that the mask must necessarily slip every now and then, allowing the jealousy, negativity, and meanness to peep through. A backhanded compliment, a hateful glance, passive-aggressive behavior ("ignoring" the victim), etc., soon expose the artificiality of the frenemy's former semblance of kindness. This jarring juxtaposition of meanness and (feigned) niceness confuses the victim, even tho' he/she may accurately peg the frenemy as just that, given that the ultimate feeling evoked by this dichotomy is negative/uneasy. The object of the frenemy's love-hatred wonders if the frenemy him/herself is confused, and this makes choosing a course of action challenging.
In fact, I suspect the frenemy is, indeed, confused; insecure but egotistical, (s)he is constantly at war with him/herself, and consequently, with others. As discussed, it is too painful/troublesome for frenemies to delve into their own psyches and correct their ways. Therefore, they must resort to mummery, playing at living their lives and establishing relationships, rather than actually living said lives and investing in friendships.
In fact, franimosity enables frenemies to do just that. While making a show of friendship, their animosity is allowed to fester, thereby reinforcing their rightness/righteousness (they're fine just the way they are) without actually having to prove it. Such people collect companions without having to earn trust and give of themselves (what's called "making friends"). This means they don't have to change because, on the surface, "everything's fine," they're great, and everybody "loves" them because they're "so nice." Meanwhile, they're able to maintain their comfortable rottenness because it has no consequences, or so it seems. In the end, tho', this will only harm them through the harm it does to others. As they seem almost determined to self-destruct, maybe frenemies are worthy of our pity, after all... albeit given at a distance, where the fallout can't reach us.
